So, I have met up with the guy from the internet twice since I last wrote.

The second time we took a nice walk down in the little downtown area of the city where I stay for school and had a drink at a pub (which he payed for by the way). We talked the entire time, just about life and everything in between. We even passed an archway that served as the gateway to someone’s house and I noticed pretty pink roses hanging on it. He asked me if I’d like one and then he proceeded to pick it for me. I thought that was very sweet. Then we went back to my house, made some tea, and just sat around in my living room talking even more. The time went by so fast then and I didn’t want it to end! But end it did and we planned for next week (this week) to see each other again.

This third time however, it was more like an official date. He told me while were planning out the details on MSN that he’d like to take me out to dinner and we could hang out and do whatever afterwards. And so, the night came and we went to a Thai restaurant which was actually really good! I’d never really had much of that kind of food before, and while it’s similar to Chinese, its got its own interesting and unique flavours too. Their fried chicken rice is soo much better than Chinese, or at least that’s what I’ve found so far. Then we came back to my house (the one I stay in for school which, luckily, I was alone in) and headed out for a walk around the suburban area I live in. Along the way, he asked me what I thought of holding hands and I said I liked it, and then he entwined his hand with mine. It made my heart jump about 10 feet in the air! We stopped by the lakefront area and walked along the dock for a bit, talking and holding hands. It was really nice. Once we arrived back at my house again, we proceeded to make a dessert for ourselves, one comprised of chocolate pudding, home-made whip cream, and strawberries. It was soooo good!! How can something so simple taste so wonderful?? It’s easy to make too; you just simply put all those ingredients together in a bowl. Internet Guy likes to bake and cook and so I thought it was especially neat that we’d got to make our own dessert.

Then the moment I was waiting for came. It’s something I’ve dreamt about and thought of from time to time ever since I broke up with the Chinese boy I dated for 3 months nearly 2 years ago. I’ve always loved cuddling, just simply being in someone’s arms, content with the world, at ease. It brings on such wonderful feelings, like nothing can go wrong in the world, like everything is how it’s supposed to be. I always wanted to do it again, ached to do it again. But of course in all that time, there wasn’t anyone to do it with. Which of us doesn’t, hasn’t longed to feel like that with someone, to simply just be with someone? It’s the most pure thing in a relationship and something which should never, ever be taken for granted. With the Chinese boy, time spent close to each other was always interrupted in some way – he’d get fidgety, he’d want to do something else, he’d head in for the sexual before I could really get myself comfortable. But with Internet Guy…it started as sitting on the floor in my living room (I have no furniture in there save two foot stools as my mom has yet to buy anything for the house) and we just moved closer and closer until we were holding hands, and then he put his arm around me, and so it was. We sat like that for awhile, in a peaceful silence. It’s not necessary to always fill up the air with talk. Then he asked if he could give me a good night kiss to which I agreed. I’m not as nervous and jumpy about that sort of physical affection as I once was so I was completely ready. It turned into a little more than a little kiss, but not quite full on making out. We lay back comfortably in one another’s arms once more, talking every now and then, until it was time for him to leave. Somewhere in amongst all of that, we discussed the idea of becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. He said he liked me and was ready for that if I wanted to go into it. I told him I liked him back and said I’d like that, but let’s wait a little before it becomes “official”. I still need to sort through my own feelings, figure out what this all means, and go from there. I want to see if things can work between us in that way, to see where they might lead. If anything, the next time we see each other, which should be quite soon, I think will be the time when I can say it is “official”. I just need a chance to let it all sink in before I rush off telling the people in my life and I need to see and feel once more what it’s like to be in a relationship. This kind of thing is definitely not easy for me and it is water I have never really tread before. Again, the old worry lingers: I don’t know how to be in a relationship. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, what I’m supposed to say. Is it just a matter of figuring all that out? But I’m afraid of doing and saying the wrong thing.

I am happy. I’ve been on air the last couple days after seeing him, singing songs, feeling giddy, you know the whole works. It’s wonderful really! But at the same time, there is this sense of dread and all these “what ifs” playing through my mind. What if this happens? What if that doesn’t? What if things don’t work out? What if he loses interest out of the blue? What if he realizes things about me and doesn’t want to face them or doesn’t like them? I know I shouldn’t think that way, but I am a pessimist at heart, as much as I’ve been trying not to be lately. I don’t want to ruin a good thing before it’s even had a chance to start. I should just let it be, go with the flow, see how things go. And that is what I plan on doing.

And so, I am glad I met him, that I’ve been given the chance for a relationship to flourish again. I couldn’t be more grateful! Indeed, I do like Internet Guy much more than I ever liked Chinese Boy which is also a very good thing if things are to go anywhere! Who knew that just by responding to a random ad online that I would find someone so wonderful? I am lucky and I hope it continues for a long time to come. Again, we’ll see what happens!

Advertisement