Life is full of ups and downs, isn’t it? Today came with a serving of both.

Good: I went out for a really nice dinner with the instructors and fellow volunteers of the art camp I’ve been helping out at this summer. The director of the program paid for all of us and that was really, really nice of her. We had home-cooked Italian food at this cute little restaurant in the next town over and it was delicious! The place felt so homey and relaxing and I am definitely going back there again someday. Conversation with them was nice and fun as always. I don’t talk as much as I should and it’s not like they are my friends or anything really, but I am glad for the fact that they thought to include me in these plans and want to tell me things. Friday afternoon will be my last day volunteering there and I will be saddened to leave; I will dearly miss the kids, especially one boy in particular. He has developmental disabilities and so doesn’t always act socially appropriate, but he grows on you and he’s got a witty sense of humour to match the best of them. After the dinner we went to a store and bought him some age-appropriate shirts (he’s 14 and wears shirts with words on them and logos meant for 10-year-olds) and I pitched in some money too. It’s something small to give him, to help him feel more confident and sure of himself considering his difficult family situation and upbringing. I really feel for that kid and will miss him.
And then, unexpectedly, when I got home I heard a little party going on at my neighbour’s house next door. My mom apparently had decided to head over there and joined the parents and other adults for a drink and conversation at a table. My neighbour’s daughter had a keg and about 8 other people there playing flip-cup. So I went over and played one pathetic round because I don’t like beer and then I just chatted with some of the people. It just so happened that a couple of those people were in my grade in high school and I hadn’t really seen them since then. We got to catching up a bit and then it was decided the young people were going to head to a club downtown. I was hesitant to go at first but one of the guys persuaded me into it. We didn’t stay at the club for more than an hour because one of the neighbour’s daughter’s friends got sick, but it turned out to be a fun night! I danced somewhat (and I am by no means a dancer and don’t particularly enjoy it lol) and the guy who I knew from high school kept guard for me from any random guys trying to dance with me. He was always such a nice guy and the kind of person who would be there for you in an instant, even if you were a stranger to him. He went to my elementary school for a couple of years as well and in grade 8 I heard he liked me, but I’m not sure if that was ever true. When I found that out I gave him the cold shoulder. I was already depressed and lost inside my mind at that time that I didn’t register it properly, turning away someone who was really only trying to be my friend. But seeing him tonight after roughly 3 years was like no time had passed at all! He was as friendly as ever and we had a great time! I do wonder sometimes though what things would’ve been like had I accepted his friendship way back when we were 13.

Bad: My cat seems to have run away. When I got home from the club, I found my mom doubled over in tears saying that he had escaped out the back door and was gone. He’s the kind of cat who wasn’t allowed outside for that very reason and any time that back door was left unlocked, he’d open it and try to get out. Well, it seems my mom forgot to lock it and the cat slid it open and left. She went searching about the entire backyard to find him but to no avail. I hope he is the sort of cat who will remember home and come back to it and that hope is alive in me right now. It doesn’t seem like he has truly disappeared. I guess all that can be done is to wait and see if he returns or else look for him in daylight. I love my kitty and I just hope that he is safe, if nothing else.
The other bad thing, the worse thing, is that my grandma is very sick. She has untreated cancer and serious mental issues that have left her bedridden and refusing to go to the hospital for treatment. It is too late for her in regards to that now. There are personal support workers who come in to look after her, but that’s about all the “treatment” she gets. It’s taken a toll on my mom, her brother and sister, and my especially my papa. They have to deal with everything and the stress of seeing her like that and not being able to do anything to help. I don’t even know what I can do to help because there isn’t anything to do. So I just feel bad and useless. I guess all I can do is see her while she is still here, even if she doesn’t really register that I am there. What are grandchildren supposed to do in such a situation?

Those are the twists and turns of my life as of late. I felt it was about time to put some other thoughts and feelings besides those concerning relationships into words. Writing helps clarify things for me, it helps me sort things out. My relationship with Internet Guy though is as good as ever and I feel like we are becoming closer the more we see each other. That is rather scary for me and there is a certain realization that has come with it, but I will save that for another post, a post that will be up very soon. For now, I guess all I can do is push on and keep moving forward no matter what. I will try not to dwell on the bad and indulge my pessimism. I will instead try to enjoy the good things that do come my way and deal with the bad things as they come. Life is full of ups and downs.

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