I can’t believe summer is already over! I start school today! While in some ways I’m looking forward to it, at the same time, I’m really going to miss the summer months and the freedom and relaxation they bring. To say it, this summer has probably been the best summer I’ve ever had! I’ve been so busy doing things and getting out there in the world that it’s made me feel pumped up. I quite like that feeling although it does get a little draining at times when you’re constantly on the go. This summer has also made me realize some things, things I need to get away from, things I need to improve upon.

For one, I want to stop being so down about life. Being a pessimist and always viewing the glass as half-empty is like default mode for me, but it’s very exhausting mentally, emotionally, and even physically, to be in that state all the time. I need to be more optimistic. I need to see the positives in life and live them! I know I’ll start feeling better about life’s situations and myself if I can do this. It won’t be easy trying to change my perspective around, but I know it can be accomplished and it’s worth it!

I also want to take more chances, go on adventures, and actually live! I’ve always been an observer, the kind of person who sits back and lets the world pass her by. This has resulted in many missed opportunities and has left me feeling regretful because I didn’t go after them when I had the chance. Social anxiety has kept me from putting myself out there and getting things done that need to be done. I’ve let it run my life and I don’t want to do that anymore. It’s time to break out of my shy shell and start getting to know people more, make new connections, and really just take on any opportunity that comes my way. My boyfriend has, bit by bit, been instilling this desire in me; he lives for random adventures and thinking outside the box. I want to be more like that, I want to feel free and open. I don’t want to hold back so much. Life doesn’t come to those who wait, you have to get out there and find it yourself.

And, most of all, I wish to believe in myself. I’ve never had a lot of self-confidence or faith in my abilities. Throughout my life I’ve been bullied and beaten down by peers and people I thought were supposed to be my friends. This made me retreat further into my shell as I didn’t possess the courage to stand up for myself. But no longer! If I am to truly get anywhere in life, I can’t sit back and let people walk all over me. I need to realize my own strength and use it against those who try to take advantage of me. I want to be assertive, not passive. And I can only do this if I have faith in myself and understand that no matter what happens, I can trust myself and know that in the end everything will be ok. I need to be my own best friend and be assured in my own capabilities. There is no point in caring what people think of me so much anymore.

As far as things with me and Internet Guy go, they are as good as ever! We’ve had many magical moments together; walking hand in hand under the stars, making dinners together, going to the beach, spending some time with my family and friends (and his too!), and really just enjoying each other’s company. I feel more settled with him now, like our relationship is more stable. At the beginning, I was unsure of where things were headed, if we were going to last, but now I can see a future ahead for us and that’s a really great thing! I envision us being together for some time to come and forgoing any major dilemmas, I don’t think there’s anything that will stand in the way of that. We’ve come to develop little jokes and mannerisms that are just between us, we’ve written each other beautiful poetry, we laugh, have fun, and act very silly but at the same time we have our serious moments too. We talk about deep issues but still manage to be kids at heart! We haven’t had a real heated arguement yet and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing (I know conflict is supposed to make you stronger and bring you closer together), but I prefer it that way. I hate confrontation and am not fond of being angry or seeing others in such a state. Me and Internet Guy discuss things and try to find a solution that works for both of us. We communicate and compromise. I’m glad neither of us are prone to anger lol. I can’t believe me and him have been dating for almost 3 months either! It’s amazing how fast time goes, and this time I don’t feel like my relationship is fading away :).

I am thinking about changing the title of this blog and writing about topics beyond relationships and romance. I will still post about those subjects, but I want to express some other thoughts and ideas about life and see where they take me. I think it’s time to broaden my horizons and explore what else is out there. I still have no idea what title I could give this blog though, so if anyone has any ideas, feel free to provide!